I failed at sadboimaxing

[Sustacel250]

When I was inside incel scene I tried to sadboimax but it didnt work.

Thinking about it, during my life I got a ton of trauma. I would say I got more than avg. My dad died, sister died car accident, got molested by my mom when she was drunk, got bullied, was poor, got cucked in school and inside incel scene, got mafia problems. Yeah igot "issues". But for some reason my issues never gave me a cool faschionable personality like the incelmaxers on discorrd.

One day I have read a local rapper on facebook, he had a dead father and he was sadboimaxing on his facebook page, he exploited the death of his father to get pussy. Women would gather on his facebook page and defend the truth and honor of the rapper saying "you cannot understand him, he got a dead father". I was thinking to myself I can understand very well, because I got dead father too, but how comes people are able to get pussy sadboimaxing and I cant?

Am I too ugly? Honestly I dont think Im so ugly, when I was in HS people told me I looked good. One guy also envied me and told me if he was me he would be on the instagram collecting women, and a girl in my classroom told me she envied my skin because I got no pimples. So I dont think Im super ugly. I see myself avg looking, in some pics I think I look very good and I asked foids face ratings and at times they give me 8 or above and they think I look good. I had women approach me over the years and I came to think is normal and all men get approached. Online seems different because majority of incels say they never got approached.

So I have no fucking clue why I dont get pussy. In theory I should have all the right cards to do it. I have "issues" and my issues are not even invented like the "issues" of these sadboimaxers on discord who copy and paste the personality from joker or taxidriver. I have a real personality, or at least I think so. So how comes nothing works when I do it, but it works if the normies do it?

When I tried to sadboimax on the incel community, nobody gave afk. Do they think IM making it up? Its all real, some of these things can also be documented because they appeared on newspapers or because they were written on forums. Im not making shit up. I think simply I cannot exploit the situation to get pussy for some reason. I also did try, all in vain.

I can remember one instance when I was a kid, I mentioned briefly in a conversation that my father was dead. A foid listened to it and started sobmaxing, that was my chance to get pussy. This foid basically sits near me and she was sobmaxing. But stupid me, I didnt do anything about it I told her I didnt giva fuck and im not sad. So this foid was discouraged, I could have sadboimaxed in that situation and captured a pussy, but I didnt do it. When instead I did it with intention inside incel scene to be loved by the other incels, I got nothing but indifference. Perhaps is because I always laugh about my problems or I treat them lightly. If I was able to sadboimax like the normies do, maybe I would not be incel.

But again, how else should I treat my trauma? My personal way is to think about it, shitpost, and intellectualize everything. Things that were painful for me over time became just mental diarrhea and pseudo-intellectual essays. It works, im not crushed by life. But at the same time I pay the price of my choices because my method to remove trauma makes me less relatable. I became someone that cannot get pussy even if pussy is available for me. I became incel basically.

[Sustacel250]

I asked chatGPT about it. Says that people who pull bitches with sadboimaxing are performing the "vulnerable fragile aesthetic" that is super trendy. Instead I am performing the not vulnerable self healing stoic personality which doesnt work for pussy.

I am basically fixing my own mind, alone, without psychological help. Im communicating to women "I dont need you get lost".

Since im not needy (maybe I am but I perform the role anyway) I am saying to myself "i dont need women, I dont need therapy, I dont need people to exploit me, nor I need to exploit them". This is a tale I tell to myself who really knows if is true. People lie to themselves I am doing it too probably.

I think I created a narrative about myself, and I always wanted to be an anime hero, some sort of invented character. The lie is convincing, because I do have this absurd personality as a result of having repeated it to myself a ton of times. Who really knows what part of this personality is real and what is invented as result of anime consumption.

The point is that it works and I am feeling fine. What really really pisses me off is I dont get pussy. I really dont get it, this isnt fake. I cant get pussy due to this situation. If I got pussy I would never re-examine my copes. Its evient that my copes dont work if I dont get pussy.

Another problem is, I really dont want to sadboimax like these other people do. I dont want to, it would be exploitative, I would feel like a worm if I did it. How is that honorable? It sucks, you get to behave like a victim. When people bully you and beat you to the ground, you dont cry its a lesson everyone learns at boxing you never show youre hurt you have to take a punch and baton your ribs so you learn to take more of them. Sadboimaxing is one of the most vile behaviors in existence. Maybe it does give you pussy, but I would never be able to do it. Which is why when I tried to do it inside incel scene probably I lied to myself and I was not convincing enough.

[Sustacel250]

What if I abandoned my ethics and tried sadboimaxing? What would happen?

I think I would get pussy, and I would feel disgusted, and I would smell the pussy and it will stink and I will hate myself. I would be enraged. Everytime I did something shameful or disgusting I became angry and I blamed myself for weeks or years.

One time I stole a simple lock from a hardware store, and I got a burning sense of guilt so I gave it back and told the owner I wanted to work for free. But he said "im rich is all fine".

I think if I got pussy unethically, which is possible, I would hate the woman more than I hate myself. I would hate her for being stupid, and for partaking in that act, and would think less of her for being gullible. Mixed with this hatred, I would also blame myself, and would end up doing some antisocial stunts. I got an internal monologue where I judge myself. At times the internal monolog made me stop doing actions in the middle and I go out of character or I simply drop a conversation in the middle, wake up and leave.

I already tried to do immoral actions, and the rare times I succeeded I payed costs for it. It simply doesnt work.

One time I started smoking ciggies to "fit in" and I had it all planned. I even copied the postures of normies in front of a mirror. Laughing about it, I was performing in my room with another student in the apartment. I must have provided to him an amazing entertainment because he was often chuckling watching me perform in front of a mirror, preparing to smoke ciggies in public. Obviously I was acting like a clown on purpose simply to attenuate the great psychological distress that practice was giving me. It was all fun, but came time to perform the ciggies smoker in front of the normies so I would "fit in". And what is even more absurd is that it worked. I became "fitting in", magically. After that success, I broke the entire act, and flipped a middle finger at the normies, spit the ciggies and stop this cope. Felt bad about it for years, for having allowed myself to be so weak.

But then again, should I remain friendless or what? So long, all I tried didnt work